new year blessings...

 Guess it's been awhile...

...been kinda busy.

Sometimes successful...

...sometimes not so much. 



insatiable desires

the healing hands of God

“How do you know that God is present?” is a question I have been asked more times than I can count. But although it is an easy question to ask – especially to someone who has made a life commitment because of a deep belief in that Presence – it is not an easy question to answer. Being born and raised within a Tradition of belief and having been schooled in the rubrics of the faith, the “know” part is fairly easy to answer; the “how” part, not so much. It takes time, examination, reflection on previously lived moments to recognize God present in the passing of a day, and still it often ends up as a piece of knowledge: the flowering tree I passed on my way to work; the $20 I found in my coat pocket the day I forgot my lunch; my nephew’s laugh-out-loud enthusiasm of a rolling tennis ball; the extended deadline of the assignment I didn’t finish…

But sometimes, some times, I recognize God without having to reflect back. I am able to feel God’s presence in the moment – I think it’s called Grace. It doesn’t happen a lot; it doesn’t even happen often, at least not to me. But when it does, it reaches a place deep, deep within, and fills me to overflowing. I recently met someone in whose presence I feel the Presence of God. The relaxing encounters have been so profound that I have been reduced to tears when we meet. I’m not sure she has any idea how sacred for me her time is; how through her hands I experience the healing hand of God; how grateful I am to be able to feel the Grace in the moment; how I thank my God whenever I think of her...

waiting for God.....

3 faces of vulnerability

In my experience

vulnerability has 3 faces:

1. ENCOUNTER ~ moment of self-revelation, intentional or not

2. MEMORY ~ moment of self-revelation

revisited

3. RE-ENCOUNTER ~ with the one to whom you have revealed

Though not literally naked,

I often feel that way when I am most vulnerable.

I've been feeling vulnerable alot lately ...

and thankful for the wise women who surround me.

something to be said ...

theresa, if the mind pictures words and the heart feels them, i suppose there is something to be said ... when with eyes closed you can be seen and felt with reminiscing warmth, i believe there is something to be said ... while i pray for your journey and love you from afar, i know there is something to be said ... thank you. sarah

I met Theresa, or "T.O." as we often called her, 25 years ago when she lived and journeyed alongside me as my Novice Director. We became friends in the years that followed and she walked and witnessed me through first and final vows. Yesterday morning she passed away and all I can do now is say thank you through the tears.

sitting with the Divine

can i tell you where i’ve been? what i’ve done and failed to do … can i tell you who i’ve loved? the risks involved; costs paid, the shame and the ecstasy … can you sit with me a spell? can you hold me till i can feel you? can you love me as i have loved another? can you teach me how to love you? can you rock me in your arms? can you satiate my desire? can you remind me who i’ve been, who i am and will become? can you take my hand in yours, guide me to a brand new day … tell me that you love me now more than yesterday; just as i am, no matter where i’ve been?

Remembering Dad

Last year at this time my father was quite ill and preparing to undergo a necessary surgery to restore his health. Because I was some 500 miles away and the surgery was deemed risky for his age and current health, I prepared to travel to visit him a week before he was to go into surgery. I knew I had only a couple of days to spend with him and that this could possibly be my goodbye. I wanted to leave him SOMEthing, but what? I decided to make him a card. I put a crayon in my nondominant hand and drew a picture of him with his eight children. He would be delighted with something made by hand, no matter what it looked like. I would take it with me and add a message to the inside before I saw him ...

the gatherer

I call her the gatherer.

As she walks through life

she gathers remnants of her experiences ~

some displayed with pride;

others with disappointment

Together they display her lived reality:

a bouquet of Life.

WHAT'S YOUR IDEA OF "COZY"?

This is mine!

As you can imagine by the title of my blog, I was intrigued when I stumbled upon Susan's blog a couple of years ago entitled The T-Cozy. At the time she had a marvelous little Tea Room which she has since closed, but she continues to write and show and sell things all about tea over at her blog today. Right now she is having a "Get Your Cozy On Contest" which runs through March 16th. To enter you can either make a cozy or share what "cozy" means to you.

Guess which one I chose?

Mijo, flowers and Life!

Yesterday Mijo turned 2 years old!!!

And I received these from a special group of friends!!

Today I am feeling alive with Life!

I hope you are also!

what i've learned this year ...

2009 was filled with learnings for which I am both Graced and Grateful:

• Beginnings and endings are equally difficult. • Each risk ventured results in some amount of freedom. • The “freer” I feel, the more I am able to trust. • The more I am able to trust, the safer I feel. • The safer I feel, the more I am able to risk. • Sometimes you have to act as though you’ve accomplished your goal in order to see the reality of its possibility. • I can be open and faithful to a process, even when it is uncomfortable or I disagree with a component, as long as I am able to use my voice and feel I’ve been listened to. • I don’t know how to ask for what I want or need but I am learning and practicing. • I am very hard on myself, holding myself to a high level of expectation; when I hold others to that same expectation, I am more often than not left disappointed. • When all is said and done, I am ultimately accountable to myself, who is the harshest critic I know. • I need to embrace and accept where I am in the moment, with all of the pain and discomfort that may entail, instead of wishing the past away and the future already here. • Feelings are just feelings, not judgments, and they do not make me right or wrong, good or bad. • Being overly concerned with others’ feelings and reactions can sometimes paralyze me from making decisions that choose life. • Intention alone does not equal effort. Good or healthy intentions cannot be successfully realized without honest will and desire. • Recognition is the first hurdle of the relay toward wholeness. • Behaviors give messages and have a purpose. • I often find it difficult and uncomfortable to accept the giftedness others see in me. • ART and CREATING are self-soothing forms for me to get in touch with what I haven’t words to express: my Inner Self. • My safe place is in the arms of God, regardless of whether or not I am able to recognize that Presence. • Because of God’s Presence, I am never alone in this process we call Life, no matter where it takes me. • It is the time spent concentrating on my goodness that makes my goodness recognizable. • Recognizing the good inside is a means of recognizing God and honoring the Divine within. May 2010 be equally Graced...

The silent heart ...

The silent heart is a blessing heart Because it sees the Divine in all things The silent heart is a listening heart Because it seeks always to be increased The silent heart is a peaceful heart Because it has mastered the art of forgiveness The silent heart is a restful heart Because it has learned to be at home with itself The silent heart is a selfless heart Because it knows how to be truly grateful The silent heart is a timeless heart Because it lives in the moment,

ever in touch with the eternal The silent heart is a trusting heart Because it recognizes its sustenance as Providence The silent heart is a silent heart Because it has experienced the grace of contemplation

... heart of my heart ...

can i tell you where i’ve been? what i’ve done and failed to do? can i tell you whom i have loved? the risks involved … the costs which have been paid … the shame and the ecstasy? can you sit with me awhile? can you hold me ‘til I can feel you? can you love me as I have loved another? can you teach me how to love you? can you rock me in your arms? can you satiate my desires? can you remind me who I have been? who I am and will become? can you take my hand in yours? guide me to a brand new day? tell me that you love me now more than yesterday? just as I am? no matter where I have been? because … right now … i cannot.

Grace

Grace I spread my poncho wide And beckoned my soul take rest In a piercing gaze it held me Uneasy by the queer request Silently we remained in expectation Of that which neither one knew Like a work in patient progress Before its creator is through When slowly, cautiously my heart settled And courage made present its place The tear-stained words I uttered From shame transformed into grace A grace amazing and musical Its melody comforting and known Freely, in love unconditional I knew I’d finally come home